"While I'm still not in the heart of Heaven."

"Because our weakness makes us lean so hard on His strength. Before I was lame, I was so proud and strong, I thought I could do anything. Now I am lame, and I can do nothing. My weakness leads back to Him, and I love Him as a thirsty man needs loves the fountain and the cold man loves the fire. Only you can understand when you love Him."
-- Archippus, Twice Freed Chapter 13.

I've read alot of Twice Freed chapters today, and am at the portion where Onesimus rides with Alpheus to Athens and becomes a gladiator in latter chapters. One of the antagonists in the story is Archippus, who in Chapter 9 resolves in becoming a Christian. He used to be my least favorite character for his ignorance and pride, but when he was changed, he's become one of my favorites (aside Paul, Onesimus, and Eirene).

But I really took that quote to heart. It's usually in our hour of suffering when we realize we need Christ the most, but when we actually decide on loving Him, it's then we understand how much we really need Him. Honestly, it's convicted me of that. And I just couldn't get the heartbreaking thought out of mind.

It makes you think of what you are in His eyes. It makes you critically analyze the importance, the significance of the Lord in your life. It's opened my eyes more than ever, truly.

There will be a time when I capture the decision and seal it shut. There will be a day when the doors will close only isolating my lone, powerful decision in an atrium of infinity. The dream I dare envision, the dream I'll live for even after the day I die.

The life I'll live for in eternal commitment. I'll also one day be free, just like Onesimus, and Paul, and Philemon, and Archippus. But as everything is, I must be patient. Always patient.

Because there will be a day when no one will be able to come in except my lone choice.
And no one could ever take that choice away from me but God Himself.